The Football Pitch.
05th January 2011
Now the dust has settled on the disastrous England World Cup bid, I’ve occasionally found myself musing over the whole debacle and wondering who in their right mind actually thought they stood a cat in hells chance of winning?
In fact, if you put the world of football into adland for the sake of demonstrating my point, it becomes even more preposterous.
In this pitch Fifa are the client, England the agency and Russia the other agency competition. As the agency we already know that Fifa can be trixsy (adland knows that) but no-one turns down the opportunity to pitch regardless of the undoubted to-ing and fro-ing that would be involved. After all, the England Agency have the infrastructure and ability and the rewards could be great!
However, the client has already made it clear that they want to give the account to someone else - Russia. Mmh…but England Agency crack on anyway because they believe in their powers of persuasion. They’re super-confident!
First off they know it’s vital to bond with the client. Engaging and imparting more of their personality and undoubted skill and experience each time. England Agency want them to think they’re on the same wavelength. People who have every tool in the box and people they can trust and work with. In fact they want them to think they’re the best bunch of folk they could wish to have as their agency. The perfect partner.
So far so good.
So they visit the client and receive their briefing, which again confirms that they are strongly in favour of awarding Russia the business. Having said that, why, if that’s the case would the client welcome them with open arms? There’s got to be some hope in that…hasn’t there?
Regardless, back in England Agency all is not well. As it turns out tensions have been growing at the top, resulting in a management restructure. Not great timing and a bit of a disaster. All that good work in building relationships with the client and presenting a strong united front has been for nothing. The client is left in the dark wondering what’s gone on, who’s their main agency contact now, who’s in charge? They’re really not happy.
The agencies shareholders and now the industry press get involved and start to apply pressure. With the press involved, it now becomes increasingly difficult for England’s Chairman who soon decides to resign over the matter. The agency is in turmoil.
Time to throw in the towel? Well, let’s see…
Meanwhile, Russia see an open net and score - word has it that they’ve been dining with the client and openly mocking the calamity of the situation. The client appeared to enjoy the joke…rather too much.
Oh dear. They’re being laughed at. Quit now!
More shareholder pressure. More press coverage.
Despite everything, England Agency gathers itself and regroups. A new Chairman is quickly appointed and the client’s concerns are allayed (so Fifa assure them). A meeting in the agency between the new management team is convened and it is agreed that despite the recent turmoil, England Agency could still win. So they crack on…again.
All is quietly calm. The agency starts to feel assured once again. Misplaced? Certainly not! The client’s concerns have been allayed (so Fifa assure them).
Then out of the blue England Agency hear that the other agency - Russia have been casting disparaging mistruths about England’s pitch (presumably during that dinner). England are infuriated as that’s just “not cricket” which leaves them only one thing to do and that’s to complain to Fifa.
Oh dear, bad move as Fifa already have internal problems of their own over a corruption allegation. Added to England’s recent management restructure, this doesn’t go down at all well. Fifa have too much to deal with already and England are now cast as trouble makers.
More shareholder pressure. More press coverage.
Surely, time to beat a dignified retreat . . .
. . . but no. A meeting in the agency of the management team is convened and it is agreed that despite the recent turmoil, England could still win. So they crack on again. (Is there no end to their optimism?)
As the pitch date draws closer, a senior member of the England agency receives reliable information that there is widespread corruption within the clients’ organisation. Quelle Surprise! The agency feel duty bound to inform the client of these findings. This causes great embarrassment within Fifa and even though six people on the client side are suspended, Fifa openly say it has “significantly damaged” the agencies bid for the business.
Well I can only assume that the England Agency must have taken the attitude that if we’re still in the race at this stage then surely things can only get better.
But hang on…to make matters worse (and yes, it gets worse) England’s new chairman accuses the Russians and another pitching agency (Spain) of bribing the client (surely not)! Although he denies this accusation he is forced to resign. Fifa are fuming and the agency take the only responsible action…and announce they will look into the matter (oh please!)….but then decide not to pursue it. Uh? That looks good!
At this stage the definition of ‘dead-man walking’ is rewritten.
However, in a last ditch attempt to win back the clients’ faith (no, surely England agency didn’t really think that!?), England Agency decide to mix it with the Russian Agency (or that! No one does ‘dodgey’ better than the Russians, or Fifa for that matter!). After all, if The Russian Agency can schmooze the client, so can England Agency. So they give the wives of Fifa board members specially handcrafted handbags. This enrages Fifa who openly criticize England Agency (probably for such a bad bribe – handbags!?). Though only one client returns their wife’s handbag.
The pitch date arrives…England Agency have the full compliment of senior agency staff. Even the head guy and a few dignitaries. There’s nothing quite like being well connected for impressing a client.
Russia also send a few of their senior staff, though the top guy chooses not to attend as apparently lunch at the Ivy was already in his diary. Oh, and there were no dignitaries.
Russia win.
England Agency can’t believe it and vow never to pitch for the account again.
To conclude – I have an admission to make. As I’ve been writing this, a horrible realization has dawned . . . that I’ve actually been involved in agency pitches that weren’t too dissimilar. Though those agencies won’t be named and no, it wasn’t Cuba.
